Back to Part Three

A year went by and of course I tired of Mei Mei. I did however learn that her actual name was Ramshulzaham the Tormentor of Lost Souls. She never showed me her true form, thankfully, but assured me that she was indeed female, which made me feel a little better, and that she had enjoyed having sex with me most of the times we had done it. Which is of course more than can be said for most of my human partners I imagine. Perhaps this has something to do with the fact that Ramshulzaham always could meet my expectations in size, limbness and tightness. It also, probably helped that she could turn herself into any woman that I could imagine, and I joined the list of men who have slept with Marilyn Monroe, for example. Or a likeness of her, anyway.

Also, even the most cunning lawyers in the business had been unable to find an out in my contract with the devil. I was not surprised at that, but I was downtrodden that I myself had not been able to come up with a satisfactory solution to my problem.

Ramshulzaham went back to her old job, with Mr. D, before the year was out, but my good fortunes stayed with me. I won a ton of money on a lottery ticket I found on the street. I suddenly found that some stock I had bought in a small company called Amazon.com, was suddenly worth millions and I was able to buy myself a nice home, a very very nice car and a small staff to take care of them for me.

But through all this, I was unable to enjoy myself, for I knew two things: that within one year my final wish, and my last chance to be free of the contract with the Devil, would be gone and that most likely, according to all the stories about deals with the devil, I would be cheated out of all my good fortunes because that's what the devil did. He gave you what you asked for, not what you wanted and then he took your soul away.

The day came and I took my Lamborghini out onto the road, let the engine stretch its proverbial legs a bit on the highway, and think. Then there he was. I was expecting him, so I was not scared. But I was surprised about his appearance. He did look exactly like he had a year ago and he had appeared in the seat next to me, where no one had been a millisecond ago. Without saying a word, I slowed down and stopped the car at the side of the road. I turned off the engine and turned to my passenger.

"You started to tell me, a year ago about your hand in the creation of man's free will."

"Ah. You have an excellent memory. Well, much more than so, I was in fact instrumental in the creation of man himself. You would not be here today, if I had not planted the notion into God's mind that he needed to create a creature in his own image."

"So you duped God into creating man?"

"Yeah. You know, he was perfectly content in populating the earth with animals and unicorns and whatnot. Perfectly lovely creatures, mind you, but about as exciting as watching paint dry, which is by pure coinsidence the ninth ring of hell."

"I thought you said that hell is a nice place?"

"It is. Unless you end up in the ninth ring. Only the worst offenders end up in there, you know, Gandi, Mother Teresa, Disney."

I was flabbergasted.

"Surely you must have put it together. Without my help, how in the world would a man be able to sell the image of a pathetically simple cartoon mouse to millions and millions of people?"

I looked at my rolex watch. I had ten more minutes.

"Well, anyway, I am, as you might have gathered, not a god of creation. I can't make a bad gas, which makes you think where that comes from. But I am a master manipulator. You might say that that is my forte. So I told God that his creation would not be complete without a creature with free will. I mean, all the animals unconditionally loved the man. They adored him, like all animals do. They brought him fruit, laid themselves up on platters and cooked themselves for him. At that point I had only been able to corrupt some of the unicorns, which really were his first attempt at creating life and less than perfect. He smote them all for that. All except one or two which were killed during the dark ages. Pity that, I always loved them and their seemingly innocent looks. Fooled many a virgin maiden into fornication with their help."

At this image my mind quivered.

"God seemed content until I instilled in him the doubt. I told him that what good is the beauty of his creation if there is no one to share it with. What good is love if there is no chance of that love being directed elsewhere. Complete poppycock of course, but he was so full of himself that he decided to make man in his own image, without even my influence. He was also completely sure that he could make you all love him even with free will. Well, we all know how well that's gone."

"So if it was not for you. None of us would have free will."

"Or exist for that matter. He was content with elephants you know."

"Elephants huh."

"And blue whales. He isn't loving you guys for killing the whales. Some of you are going to hell for that one."

"I've never killed any whales!"

"No you haven't, and that's why I'm here." beamed the Devil. He had the power to make me feel good, even when I knew that I was screwed.

"But it's time, my good friend. The conclusion of our contract, or at least the end of the time limit on your wish. Make your wish now or forever hold your peace."

"The wish that I want granted by the Devil is..." and as I spoke those words, I suddenly remembered that clause in the contract that I had added. I remembered a faint sign of worry on the Devil's face as I had added it. The Devil was afraid of that one clause. I drew out my words. My mind raced. The Devil looked at me expectantly. Then I got it. "that he tells me that my soul is going to go to heaven when I die."

The disappointment on the Devil's face almost made me sad I had tricked him. But it soon disappeared and was replaced with that same charming smile.

"I can only tell the truth, yet I have to tell you that your soul goes to heaven. A clear breach of contract that, whatever I do." The parchment in my hands went up in flames, which almost burned my hand. It singed my suit. "Good one. That truth-clause has actually foiled me before. I don't think I'll get into any more contracts like that in the future."

The Devil started to get out of my car.

"Of course, since the contract is invalid, so is our deal and the good fortune is gone from this day. But, I am a decent bloke, I won't screw it up for you, even though I could you know. I could take it all away like that." he snapped his fingers.

I liked him, I felt in my heart. I really did like him. Even though he had tried to take my soul and send me to everlasting torment.

"Thanks." I said. "Thanks for helping us into the world."

"Ah. No thank you. Without you guys, it would be so very boring here. Besides, I'll get another chance on your soul some day. I'm sure of it."

With these words, he closed the door and for that instant that the door was falling down into it's place when he was obscured by it, he was gone. I turned on the engine, pumped the gas a few times to hear that roar of the engine and made great tracks in the sand as I speeded out into the highway.

On the way back to the house I was of course stopped by the police and given a ticket for speeding. I also found that my maid had run off with my gardener and some of my more expensive art acquisitions, but essentially most of my fortune was still intact. I invested it wisely, lost some of it, but I am still able to live off it, after all this time.

All in all, the Devil's not all that bad. But I still don't think that Hell is such a nice place. If it was, why wouldn't everyone want to go there. It seems so much easier, you know?